My Year of Pregnancy

Hello Again!

Nine months ago, I wrote a post the day before my planned c-section. Today, my beautiful baby is taking a blissfully long nap, so I thought this would be a good time to reconnect with you.

I'd like to start by talking in very real terms about my journey to motherhood. This may be a bad idea. I am currently looking for work, and the statistics on hiring chances and wage disparity for mothers in the USA are not good. But I have decided to take an optimistic approach.  So if you're reading this because you are considering hiring me: Hi. This is the real me. I hope you still want to work together.

 

Ok. Now that's out of the way, let's jump into the past. [TRIGGER WARNING: This is not all happy.]

Way back in the spring of 2007, my now husband and I went grocery shopping together for our third "date". In the bus shelter on the way home, surrounded by plastic bags of food, we talked about having kids. I was excited to learn that we were both very much in favor of the idea! For the next seven years we pined for children, but felt we were not able to provide proper financial support to a dependent. Sometime in early 2014, that changed. After lots of deep soul-searching I decided two things: I no longer wanted to work in office administration, and I wanted to be a mom. Being rather typical millennials, we were (and are) still not super financially secure; but it was time. Again, my husband agreed.

We did not have to try for long before those two joyful pink lines appeared on a home test. We called the precious zygote "Sugar-Pea". After a 7-week confirmation ultrasound, blood tests to check hormone levels, and 10 weeks of pseudo-secrecy, we shared our good news with our extended families. In the very early morning 3 days later, I went to the emergency room hemorrhaging blood. They operated that day: a D&C. It took a little over a month for my body to recover from the blood-loss. For both me and my husband, it was the worst day of our lives so far.

The announcement photo we never sent out

I mourned by hiding the baby things away, and doing research. Depending on who you ask, something like 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage. It's hard to pin a number down, because most of these end before the woman even knows she was pregnant, or very soon after. The chances of two miscarriages in a row are much lower, and if you conceive again in the first 6 months after a miscarriage they are lower still. With that in mind, we set out to try again as soon as my body was healed. I don't know how ready we really were mentally and emotionally, but we are apparently fertile people. Just a month and a half after Sugar Pea left us, our "Pototo" took root inside me.

Haakon (pronounced HAWK-un) was born on the day the doctor chose for him. To my deep sadness, he was taken to the NICU before I even had a chance to see his face. He was breathing too quickly; a common issue for c-section babies. I met him as soon as I could, and held him later that day. His papa stayed with him almost every waking minute while he was under intensive care.

Right now, he's a very big and healthy boy. And he's still sleeping! Lately, Haakon hasn't been taking long naps like this often. Maybe he's working on his 5th tooth. I love to watch his belly move with his breath knowing that he is safe and peaceful; probably dreaming about yesterday's trip to the park. It was our third visit ever. He's still not sure what to make of the swing, but thinks the slide is great! His favorite thing to do was watching the bigger kids play.

I look forward to sharing more of our adventures with you. It's been a difficult two years, but I would gladly do it all again for my smiley little man. I'll leave you with a happy little song he likes to "sing" with me:

Thanks for reading. Hope to see you again soon!

The Son'll Come Out Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the big day! First thing in the morning, my little boy will be surgically removed from my abdomen. This is both terrifying and exhilarating.

I have been taken over by my belly.

I think we're as ready as we can be. We've got a going-home outfit, and a car seat here in my room. I've finished all of my classwork. (One more CLEP test, and I'll have my associates degree!) I've paid every bill forward, and emptied my inbox.

Of course, the apartment may be a mess. We had no warning before I was admitted to the hospital 17 days ago. But Shane has gone home a few times to take care of things. He's been incredible, really. And my parents will come help us out this weekend.

Now, we just have to focus on the baby. Shane will have two weeks of vacation starting tomorrow. (Which is better than some dads get. Thanks 'merca...) I plan to spend the next two weeks exclusively focused on healing and learning to breastfeed. And of course, Shane and I will both be devoting lots of time to oogling our new treasure!

Wish us luck!

You're Where!? For How Long?

I'm in a hospital bed right now. It's OK! Don't worry! This is just another adventure.

I came in last weekend to be monitored. I'm fine and baby is great, but I do have a rare condition which will cause major trouble if I go into labor. The doctors want me to be close by so they can help me right away if, heaven forbid, that would happen. This means I'm stuck here. If all goes well, I'll have a planned c-section sometime next week. I guess my June-bug is now a May-flower.

My cousin, Quincy was visiting from Seattle when I got the call telling me to come to the hospital. He was super awesome and helpful. Quincy has since moved on to the next destination on his cross-country road trip, and I'm sorry this drama interrupted his stay. At least he has a good story to tell!

Shane has been with me nearly constantly. It was tough for him to go off to work today. But it is usually rather boring here. I'm glad he can save his time off for after the baby arrives. Plus, while he's gone, I get the computer all to myself! If anything does go wrong, friends and co-workers have volunteered to rush him back to me.

As for me, I'm pretty comfortable with this situation now. When I arrived, my feelings were a lot more confused and panicked. This is not how I wanted the birth of my child to go! To add difficulty to an upsetting situation, I wasn't allowed to eat solid food or leave my bed except for bathroom trips at first. But as of today, I am allowed to stroll around this floor of the hospital; and yesterday they started feeding me solid food. My first plate of mediocre cafeteria breakfast tasted like manna from heaven! Now, staying here is almost like a vacation.

By the time this is all over, I will have been here for two weeks, at least. That's a little tough for me to imagine right now. But I will do whatever it takes to keep my baby and myself healthy.

In the meantime, It's finals week for my online courses too. That should keep me busy!

By the way, I welcome any company you want to give, friends! I've been awake during the day all day while I've been here, so go ahead and call or email if you like. If you're nearby and you'd like to visit, that's cool too! (Call/text for directions. This building is a labyrinth.) Or you could see if Shane needs any help taking care of business for us outside of the hospital. Most of all, please keep our tiny family in your thoughts/prayers.

Baby Shower

Yesterday, we had our baby shower. It's so strange to be nearing the end of this pregnancy.

I am HUGE though

The location was an outdoor park pavilion, and the day was cold and cloudy, but we made the most of it. Our amazing friend, Beth organized the whole thing. And she made sure there was coffee, warm food, and space heaters. I owe a huge thanks to her and to all the people who came out to brave the cold with us.

I insisted on a family-style shower. It seems silly to me to only invite women. So everyone was welcome, and we had an informal potluck set-up.

I was also opposed to the usual shower games. I know... I'm a pain. We were not without activities though. Our friend Michelle worked with Beth to coordinate a baby-clothing decorating table. I think it was a big hit!

I can't wait to dress our wee one in these bespoke puff-paint masterpieces!

One tradition I guess I couldn't get out of was opening gifts in front of everyone. I told our guests they didn't all have to drop everything and watch, but they did anyway. God bless our friends!

One of the first times I ever felt like an 'adult' was when I got really excited about buying a vacuum cleaner. I guess I'm starting to dip my toes into parenthood now, because I got really excited about diapers and disposable milk bags!

My husband and I ended the day feeling very well loved and supported. I know welcoming a new life into the world is tough, but we sure aren't doing it alone!

THANK YOU!

On Being Pregnant

Now that I've been "in the family way" for a while, I figure an update/reflection is in order. Here's a list of things which have surprised me so far.

"How are you feeling?"
This has become the first question anyone asks me. At first, it really threw me. I thought, do all of my friends really want a list of side-effects? If so, I haven't much to report. My symptoms are pretty much just mild-ish versions of what is typical: nausea at first, back/hip pain as I near the end, and the persistent urge to pee. I've started referring to myself as the 'Hulk-of-pee'. He's always angry; I can always benefit from a trip to the loo.

"Pregnant Hulk Smash...
 toilet-paper supply"
 (source)

Lately, I've started looking at this question differently. I make an effort to talk about my emotional state (generally excited/nervous). And then I get to turn it around and ask my friend how they are. It's weird how often people seem surprised to be asked. Maybe we should all append 'feeling' to the end of our "how are you"s more often.

"Top 10 Worst..."

In person, everyone is very excited about this kid. They congratulate us, and ask caring questions. On the internet, however, pregnancy seems to be good for one thing: griping.
I turned to mommy-blogs early because I want to learn everything I can about this parenting thing before I dive in head first. I have been surprised to find a general lack of positivity. The straight-forward sources are alright, though everything comes with a warning ("call your doctor if..."). And the more personal blogs are full of reasons to never, ever have a kid. Lists of "Fun grown-up stuff you'll never do again", "Irritating things strangers will say", and "Trials all parents must survive" are all over the place. I know it's good to be told you're not alone when times are tough, but I hope these articles are mostly exaggerations. Who knows, maybe in short time I'll be posting here with an "I love my kid, but..." diatribe too.

Another surprise: banner ads take on new meanings
"Be fun or else!"
(source)

"How does your husband feel about this?"

I do have one gripe of my own, and it's regarding this question. For the record, he's just as excited as I am, if not more. We talked about having kids on our third date. But lots of people have warily asked this question. Strangely, no one has asked me if I'm excited... Anyway, it's 2015 folks. Let's stop thinking this way. We are smart adults in a loving, committed relationship and with full access to birth control. My husband is on-board.

Shane and his niece 5.5 years ago
The guy likes kids.

Community Support

One of the best surprises has come from folks like you! I'm a hard-core introvert. So, while I love my friends and family, connecting with them doesn't always come easily to me. Even so, in the last few months we've been inundated with kind advice, and shared enthusiasm. Especially, my parents and I have become closer since I became pregnant. If there is anyone more excited to meet this baby than Shane and I are, it is my mother.
An amazing friend has agreed to be our doula; to guide us through the birth process. We have four (maybe five) family members planning to travel long distances to care for us while we adjust to life with our new little one. And I can honestly say I am excited about the baby shower being thrown for us soon. (I am not a typical shower-loving kind of gal.)

Thanks for being awesome, guys.

There are only about two months left before my life suddenly and dramatically changes forever. Bring it on!

Happy Easter!

Big thanks to my mom for sending this super-cute Easter gift our way.

Actual conversation with my husband:

Me: Oh, look at the cute little bunny for the baby!
Shane: You'll have to feed it to him.
Me: I'm not sure how long we'll have to keep it before he's allowed to eat chocolate...
Shane: No, by eating it yourself!

I love how that man's brain works.
May all of you be blessed with chocolate this weekend!
(or next week when it goes on clearance!)

Happy Holidays!

Announcing our most ambitious DIY project yet:

A Baby!! We plan to welcome the wee one in mid-June 2015.
A few FAQs:

• I'm feeling great! We are both so super excited, we often find ourselves smiling for no reason.
• No, we don't know the gender yet
• Yes, we probably will find out with the ultrasound. But we don't actually care.
• Yes, we do have names picked out! They are awesome.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year!!

She Lives!!

Well that was an unexpectedly long hiatus. I have a good explanation though. I've been doing school! Back in May, I quit my dead-end receptionist job and enrolled full time at the local community college. I'm working toward an Associate's Degree in Software Development; and I took 17 credits (5 classes) in both the summer and fall semesters. Hence, no time or spoons for blogginating.

But it's been worth it! I've learned a bunch of different programming languages. I got on the dean's list last summer. And I got all A's again this fall (so maybe I'm staying on that list).

My dean's list certificate in a place of honour

I've been taking all of my classes online. This has been great because I get to do work on my own schedule, and I don't have to be around people all the time. (I'm an extreme introvert.) It has also been a challenge because I have to set my own schedule, and I have very few reasons to leave the apartment and see people.

My study-buddy

I've been very blessed to have a few people who kept me sane during this time. Good friends checked up on me, and got me outside. (Special thanks to LuAnn for coffee dates!) My programmer pal Seth was a huge help: giving me advice, encouragement, and sometimes a second set of eyes on more sticky programming assignments. And my incredibly amazing husband was super supportive. For instance, he took on all household chores by himself for the better part of the fall. I bet he's really happy to have me helping with the dishes again!

Beth brought the party to me for my birthday

Next semester, I'm only doing school part-time. If all goes well, I should be graduating in May! I hope this less-demanding course load will allow me to take on a few other projects. (Like blogging more maybe?) Graduation will come just in time for me to finish another big-deal project that I've been working for a while now. (Shane's helped with that too.) I bet you're curious, but that's a story for another post. ;) (...hopefully, that post will be up sooner than 8 months from now...)

Yoga and Meditation Retreat

Two things I very rarely do voluntarily are difficult exercise, and spending time away from my husband. Last month, I did both, and I felt great about it! (Don't get me wrong though; I still missed him, and my couch.)

When some folks at our church announced they were hosting a Yoga and Meditation Retreat, my first thought was, "That's great for other people." My second thought was, "Actually, I would probably benefit a lot from this." My third was, "Quick! Sign up now before you talk yourself out of it!" So I did.

Photo (and subject) courtesy of organizer Lauren

The thing is, I've never really done yoga or meditation before. I wasn't too worried about the meditation, but the yoga was another story. I bought a mat and found a free video guide online. It turns out my new living room is pretty much perfect for yoga in front of the TV. Just move the coffee table aside, and you're ready to go! (A side bonus of this practice is I'm motivated to clean the floors regularly.) The end result: I certainly didn't become a yogi in the time between sign-up and retreat, but I wasn't totally lost either.

The retreat was held at Raccoon Creek State Park over a weekend. (I went tent camping there last summer.) The facilities were much nicer than I expected, and we had the place to ourselves.

Our lovely little cabin

We started out Friday evening with yoga and introductions. Then we went to our cabins with instructions to stop talking to each other as soon as possible, and keep silent until lunch on Saturday. This idea freaked a lot of people out, but it was like heaven on earth to me! It freed me from social pressures so I could really concentrate on what we were learning. I was sad when lunch ended and everyone started talking again. I actually went back to the cabin to be alone and try to stretch it out a bit. That's one thing which really impressed me about the way the retreat was run: They made it very clear that you could skip out on anything if participation was not in the best interests of your self-care.

Yoga
(Apologies: I cannot recall this instructor's name)
(Photo stolen from Lauren's Facebook)

One of the things that surprised me about this retreat was the large amount of focus placed on meditation toward mindfulness. I was geared up for the yoga beforehand, but it turned out to be just a tool for mindfulness itself. I knew a little about the practice going in, but not as much as I thought I did. Brandi worked with us on basic principles and gave us a great hand-out. (It may be a helpful introduction if the idea is new to you.) She also put us through an intense yoga session to practice mindfulness in discomfort. Neil coached us in mindful walking and eating, and hosted a fascinating presentation about emotional mindfulness.

Brandi teaching
(Photo stolen from Lauren's Facebook)

The experience was peaceful and it was also a lot of work. The weekend blew by quickly. In the month or so since then, I've had a hard time incorporating what I learned in my daily life. We were warned that would be the case. Still, I can see some benefits which have stuck with me through the last month. I have been more calm and focused. I've had an easier time becoming calm and focused when I'm not. And for the first time in forever, I'm hearing music in the back of my mind again. (Those of you who know me well will know that's a big deal.)

Thank you, friends and strangers who organized this retreat! And thank you friends, strangers, and new friends who participated along with me. I hope this can become a regular recurring event. (...and I hope next time I can talk Shane into joining me!)

Meditation
(Photo stolen from Lauren's Facebook)

Namaste.

P.S. My new background image is courtesy of the Graphics Fairy.

Embroidered Christmas Gifts

I promised you a post about the things I made for my family this Christmas, and here it is!

A bit of background: My mom made beautiful cross-stitched Christmas stockings for all of us kids when we were babies. A while back, she made two for her parents too. Starting last year, I got to hang mine along with an almost identical one she made for my husband! The thing is, Mom and Dad have never had their own stockings. I decided it was high time that changed.

Starting last spring, I worked on the stockings off and on all year. I learned  a lot along the way, and there are a few things I'd do differently if I were to do them over again now. For one thing, hand-sewing them together made me seriously consider buying a sewing machine! Anyway, without further ado, here are the finished products:

Patterns: Urban Threads and Craftsy

I wasn't in Minnesota to see my parents open their gifts, but I think they liked them!

(Those are their "Oh my gosh!" faces. Yes, Dad too. He's Norwegian-American.)

I made lots of tree ornaments for everyone else. Much more manageable! Also, it turns out I really enjoy sewing on felt.

Patterns: Wild Olive
My apologies for the poor picture quality.
Maybe after that sewing machine, I should get a new camera!

Just like in my most recent post, I saved the best for last. This time, my joy comes courtesy of my niece, Kaitlyn. She's super crafty and known for her interest in art. So I made her a DIY ornament kit. She totally nailed it!

This picture was, hands-down, the best gift I got this Christmas. Thanks, Kaitlyn!

Christmas (Or: When I Didn't Hate Winter)

Since Pittsburgh is due for a big snow storm this weekend, I thought it was a good time to reflect on my Christmas. It was a happy time when winter was new and snow felt appropriate. Let's go back two months together. (cue time machine noises)

There it is! Your first sneak-peak at our moved-into apartment. So festive!! We had plenty of room for our giant tree in the living room this year. Of course, we've since bought a big, beautiful sofa. So next year's decorating might require a bit more creativity.

One of my proudest finds this year was the stocking hooks. They're engraved with holly berries, and coated in brass, and they don't hurt our new hutch! Also, check out our vacation souvenir from Jamestowne on the tree. I hung it in a prominent place. Maybe we can make a tradition of finding a new ornament every year from someplace nifty. (Credit: Ornaments as souvenirs is an idea I got from my mom.)

I made Shane sit on the floor to open presents. This was a moment of whimsy on my part. It made me feel more Christmas-y some how. He gave me a coffee grinder (which is really for both of us). No more suffering through pre-ground beans!

I got him a watch a whole year ago on Kickstarter. Which means, of course, it still hasn't been shipped to us. Sigh... So to tide him over, I got him two books (which are really for both of us) and a journal. The man loves him some words; 'tell you what.

We opened a few other gifts from family. Then we called said family on the phone while we walked to the nearby Indian restaurant. When we got home, we played Upwords. It was a perfect way for our little family of two to celebrate.

I had the following week off. So I took advantage of the extra time to make a big traditional holiday meal. Shane gets all of the credit for the turkey. We also had Norwegian lefse (potato bread) courtesy of my parents!

I have saved the best part of our story for last. I decided not to take the time to make the topper I had planed for our tree this year. It was pretty without it, even if it did have something missing. Lucky for me, Shane's brother Avery came to the rescue! The wrapping might give you a clue if you're nerdy like me.

That's his gift to us from last year in the background of the second picture. So what's inside? Only the scariest tree topper ever! DON'T BLINK!

(Explanation: It's a weeping angel, which is an evil alien from the Doctor Who TV show.)

Thank you, Avery, for making our Christmas complete!