My Year of Pregnancy

Hello Again!

Nine months ago, I wrote a post the day before my planned c-section. Today, my beautiful baby is taking a blissfully long nap, so I thought this would be a good time to reconnect with you.

I'd like to start by talking in very real terms about my journey to motherhood. This may be a bad idea. I am currently looking for work, and the statistics on hiring chances and wage disparity for mothers in the USA are not good. But I have decided to take an optimistic approach.  So if you're reading this because you are considering hiring me: Hi. This is the real me. I hope you still want to work together.

 

Ok. Now that's out of the way, let's jump into the past. [TRIGGER WARNING: This is not all happy.]

Way back in the spring of 2007, my now husband and I went grocery shopping together for our third "date". In the bus shelter on the way home, surrounded by plastic bags of food, we talked about having kids. I was excited to learn that we were both very much in favor of the idea! For the next seven years we pined for children, but felt we were not able to provide proper financial support to a dependent. Sometime in early 2014, that changed. After lots of deep soul-searching I decided two things: I no longer wanted to work in office administration, and I wanted to be a mom. Being rather typical millennials, we were (and are) still not super financially secure; but it was time. Again, my husband agreed.

We did not have to try for long before those two joyful pink lines appeared on a home test. We called the precious zygote "Sugar-Pea". After a 7-week confirmation ultrasound, blood tests to check hormone levels, and 10 weeks of pseudo-secrecy, we shared our good news with our extended families. In the very early morning 3 days later, I went to the emergency room hemorrhaging blood. They operated that day: a D&C. It took a little over a month for my body to recover from the blood-loss. For both me and my husband, it was the worst day of our lives so far.

The announcement photo we never sent out

I mourned by hiding the baby things away, and doing research. Depending on who you ask, something like 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage. It's hard to pin a number down, because most of these end before the woman even knows she was pregnant, or very soon after. The chances of two miscarriages in a row are much lower, and if you conceive again in the first 6 months after a miscarriage they are lower still. With that in mind, we set out to try again as soon as my body was healed. I don't know how ready we really were mentally and emotionally, but we are apparently fertile people. Just a month and a half after Sugar Pea left us, our "Pototo" took root inside me.

Haakon (pronounced HAWK-un) was born on the day the doctor chose for him. To my deep sadness, he was taken to the NICU before I even had a chance to see his face. He was breathing too quickly; a common issue for c-section babies. I met him as soon as I could, and held him later that day. His papa stayed with him almost every waking minute while he was under intensive care.

Right now, he's a very big and healthy boy. And he's still sleeping! Lately, Haakon hasn't been taking long naps like this often. Maybe he's working on his 5th tooth. I love to watch his belly move with his breath knowing that he is safe and peaceful; probably dreaming about yesterday's trip to the park. It was our third visit ever. He's still not sure what to make of the swing, but thinks the slide is great! His favorite thing to do was watching the bigger kids play.

I look forward to sharing more of our adventures with you. It's been a difficult two years, but I would gladly do it all again for my smiley little man. I'll leave you with a happy little song he likes to "sing" with me:

Thanks for reading. Hope to see you again soon!

She Lives!!

Well that was an unexpectedly long hiatus. I have a good explanation though. I've been doing school! Back in May, I quit my dead-end receptionist job and enrolled full time at the local community college. I'm working toward an Associate's Degree in Software Development; and I took 17 credits (5 classes) in both the summer and fall semesters. Hence, no time or spoons for blogginating.

But it's been worth it! I've learned a bunch of different programming languages. I got on the dean's list last summer. And I got all A's again this fall (so maybe I'm staying on that list).

My dean's list certificate in a place of honour

I've been taking all of my classes online. This has been great because I get to do work on my own schedule, and I don't have to be around people all the time. (I'm an extreme introvert.) It has also been a challenge because I have to set my own schedule, and I have very few reasons to leave the apartment and see people.

My study-buddy

I've been very blessed to have a few people who kept me sane during this time. Good friends checked up on me, and got me outside. (Special thanks to LuAnn for coffee dates!) My programmer pal Seth was a huge help: giving me advice, encouragement, and sometimes a second set of eyes on more sticky programming assignments. And my incredibly amazing husband was super supportive. For instance, he took on all household chores by himself for the better part of the fall. I bet he's really happy to have me helping with the dishes again!

Beth brought the party to me for my birthday

Next semester, I'm only doing school part-time. If all goes well, I should be graduating in May! I hope this less-demanding course load will allow me to take on a few other projects. (Like blogging more maybe?) Graduation will come just in time for me to finish another big-deal project that I've been working for a while now. (Shane's helped with that too.) I bet you're curious, but that's a story for another post. ;) (...hopefully, that post will be up sooner than 8 months from now...)

Snow, Snow, Go Away...

I really hate winter. As soon as the weather dips below freezing, I just want to crawl into bed and stay there until spring comes. But society won't let me. What gives, society!? Anyway, that general malaise is why I haven't written anything new in a while. (Does that count as an apology? Probably not...)

The view from my office today (why!?)

To make it up to you, I'd like to do a quick run-through of some things I wanted to blog about last fall, and never got to. I also have a few "real" posts in my head. I'll work at extracting them for you soon.

Kick the Debt Party
In October, four of our friends threw a party to celebrate finally paying off their student loans. (...a joy I hope to know myself someday...) There was a bouncy castle, and kangaroo meat, and there were lots of old friends. It was like a family-of-choice reunion!

Rooke Wedding
The next weekend was the most beautiful and amazing wedding I have ever attended. Our friends, Amber and Dylan tied the knot on his family's farm. They did everything themselves, and on the cheap. It was absolutely genuine, and truly their style. The warm glow of it made my whole life sweeter! Amber has put up lots of posts about it on her blog if you're curious. (Her pictures are much better.)

Parental Visit
At the end of October, my folks drove all the way from Minnesota for a visit. They took the whole week off so they could spend two weekends with us, and the in-between days touring the East Coast. By all accounts, they had a fabulous time! We visited lots of nice Pittsburgh restaurants, they brought us farm-stand apples from Ohio, and we went furniture shopping at the Habitat for Humanity ReStore.

Me & Mom in our natural environment: a coffee shop

Murder Mystery Dinner Theater
Remember last year's show? This one was done a bit earlier to accommodate a Christmas theme. I played a wreath. Jim described the character as like the furniture in Pee-Wee's Playhouse. Shane got into the act too this year. He played grown-up Cindy-Lou-Who's damaged boyfriend. I got to put together both of their costumes. Yes, got to. I LOVE making costumes!

In Charge? Me?
That's right. I'm an officially ordained ruling elder in the Presbyterian Church now. Crazy, right? I was nominated to serve on our church's finance committee. After much careful consideration, I said "yes". It is a big commitment. The term is three years long, and I'll be helping make some difficult decisions. Furthermore, I had to kneel in front of everyone at the all-church meeting and promise to do my best to be awesome.

Coming Up
(Hopefully!) I plan to catch you up on my Christmas and a couple of projects I've been working on lately. I have lots of exciting things planned for 2014!!

Movin' On Up

I've mentioned a couple of times now that we've been super busy this autumn. The main reason was that we moved! We're still in Pittsburgh, but in a different part of it now. Let me start our moving story with a bit of a flash-back. Three years ago, we were living in a super small/dark/generally-crappy basement apartment far away from everything (except a job I had left long before).

The entire living room from the front door, and the entire kitchen from the living room

Our friends, Ben & Anne, owned a lovely house in a down-and-out neighborhood. They were passionate about helping to revitalize the area. They shared it with her mom and his brother. When Mom decided to move out, they offered us her room. The rent was very low, so we could use it as an opportunity to catch up financially. We said yes.

The house on move-in day, and Shane in our tiny bedroom wearing a hat

(Incidentally, the picture on the left is the reason I don't wear pants in public anymore.)

We stayed for two and half years. In that time the brother moved out, Ben & Anne themselves moved out, and three more friends moved in. Our friend Dylan bought the house next door and filled it with people in a similar way. We had a little almost commune happening. It was great! And it was very hard! Looking back, I see that it was also very good for us. We grew a lot there.

Our steampunk Halloween party! (sorry for the blur...)

Then Shane and I went on vacation. When we got back, it became clear to me that it was time to be just the two of us again. I talked it over with Shane, and he agreed. I spent the next week cruising Craigslist in my spare time. Shane called half a dozen of my leads on Friday night, and we spent Saturday apartment shopping. One of the wonderful things about this move was that there was no time limit. We knew if we didn't find anything right away, it would be OK.

The first place we saw was just like our old apartment. It even had the same ugly green carpet! We couldn't leave quickly enough. We spent some time in a comfy little coffee shop double-checking the listings. Then we went to another appointment. This one was more promising. The walls were yellowed, and the carpet awful. But the landlord said he would put down new hardwood floor and paint.

From the Craigslist posting. Taken before the previous tenant moved in.

We told him we'd think about it, and found one more place across the street. We called the number on the sign, and a salesperson from the management company was there in a half-hour. It was much more expensive, and not much nicer. That night, Shane Googled the management company and found out they have a terrible reputation. Of the three places, we had a clear winner, but was it worth jumping on? We gave it a few days of thought, and decided it was. The next Saturday, we went back to sign the lease. The floors were already done!

Shane and the landlord looking over the lease, with new floors and seriously scary walls.

And my excited-to-have-a-new-apartment face at the train station afterward.

We waited until the middle of October to move. (The first two weekends of the month were filled with parties!) I spent a lot of that intervening month going through boxes. Because the house was fully furnished when we moved in, most of our things had stayed in the attic. I went through everything we owned looking for things to get rid of. I found a ton! We have learned a lot about living simply in the last few years, and it shows. I was surprised by how many times I thought "Why do we have this?". Once I was satisfied, we moved everything to the front porch, and asked the VVA folks to come pick it up.

The work in progress filling the dining room, and later on the porch: ready to go away

Shane booked the pick-up online Sunday night, and they came by Monday while we were at work. The way all that stuff disappeared seemed like magic! Still, some of my childhood things were hard to get rid of. I took pictures to remember them by, and tried to keep in mind how I felt at the end of Toy Story 3.

When moving day came, we had tons of help! YAY FRIENDS!! Matt and Brandi (and Elie) and Al helped us load the truck. Neil helped us unload, and Beth helped with everything. I didn't think we'd be able to get it all done on the first day, but we did! When we took Neil and Beth to dinner, we discovered a fantastic Indian restaurant just down the road. The next day, we had still more amazing people who wanted to help us. Jenn and Derek assembled our Ikea bed and wardrobe (and more). Kira washed most of our dishes and then helped us drop off the truck and run to the grocery store. After the weekend was over, we felt super tired and very well loved.

The living room: still too much stuff, and the Ikea parts and wardrobe manual.

(I found them days later. The incredible Jenn and Derek flew without a net!)

The wardrobe name is appropriate because that's what assembly makes you feel like: a DOMBÅS.

I can't wait to show you how the place looks when we're done putting it together! We're mostly there now. I cleared out the last of the boxes a few weeks ago, and spent a good deal of my Thanksgiving weekend hanging things on walls. I even put up the Christmas tree! I think the apartment is really starting to feel like it's ours. That really means a lot to me. It's a feeling I've been chasing for a long time now.

Summer Break

A cell phone picture of a butterfly from my walk home

So I feel like I haven't been keeping up with the blog the way I'd like to. (Not that I ever promised to be consistent...)

The last month has been eventful, but not in a photogenic sort of way. Shane's dad had surgery a couple of weeks ago, and we spent that weekend at the hospital helping out and hanging out. He's home now and recovering fine. It easily could have been a much more negative experience than it was. Of course it still took energy to support my husband and his family; and that kind of knocked the wind out of my blogging sails.

I still have a couple of fun experiences to share from the beginning of this summer. I'm also excited about a vacation we have planned for the first week in September! This will be my first real vacation as an adult. I think of it as "real" because I'm going where I want to go and because I chose it, instead of joining family/friends in their plans or at their home. Which isn't to say we won't be seeing some family folks... but I asked them if we could visit. That may not seem like a big deal, but it is to me I guess.

While I'm very happy about these plans, another first in this vacation is that I'm spending money for fun's sake in a big way. Of course we've had fun dinners out or seen fun concerts or what-not. But I've never spent on fun on this scale before. It's messing with my head a bit. I keep having to remind myself that we worked hard to save up, and we're being super frugal (like camping most nights instead of staying at hotels). I also think it will be good for me. Not just because of the break from routine, but because I'm currently in the process of learning to live more for today. The theme of my thoughts lately keeps turning to: "Be grateful for what you have now. Don't just plan for tomorrow."